When I began the inner work of designing my midlife,
my biggest challenge wasn’t just time management—it was identifying and eliminating any energy drain that was keeping me unproductive.
Despite having more free time with the kids grown up, I found myself still struggling to get things done.
The real battle wasn’t about making time, but confronting those sneaky energy drains quietly syphoning away my focus.
It wasn’t easy.
It requires working with self-awareness and the willingness to face your flaws.
Flaws? How many of us are actually willing to face the ugly side of ourselves? But then I realised, it’s better to face that ugliness now than to live with regret later.
So, I put on my detective hat and began hunting down all the energy-draining activities lurking in my routine.
What is an Energy Drain?
An energy drain, as I see it, is that sneaky little thief who swipes your mojo right when you’re about to tick off your to-do list.
These energy drains come in many forms: endless Insta-reel scrolling, overthinking trivial decisions like “should I wear a dress or pants today?” or even the mundane grind of life, like trying to figure out dinner with the perfect carb-protein-greens balance.
These culprits are responsible for those “where did my day go?” moments, and worse, the “Wait, it’s July already? Didn’t the year just begin?” panic.
Sometimes, we sabotage ourselves. Other times, it’s external forces that throw us off course. So, if I wanted to plug an energy drain, I had to start by identifying their source—whether they were internal or external.
Common Sources of Energy Drains
People!! Of course—people drain your energy!
Now, I realise elaborating on this might land me in hot water, but hey, it’s a risk I’m willing to take.
I might even lose a few more people from my life after this goes live. (My Facebook friends list took a hit after my birthday blog.)
And remember when I mentioned owning up to our ugly side?
None of us are immune.We might be guilty of this energy-draining behaviour, knowingly or unknowingly.
I know I’ve been guilty of it in the past(and somewhat in the present too), back when I didn’t know better.
To illustrate how these people behave, let me paint a (figurative)scenario for you.
You rise in the morning full of zeal, work on your new project, tick a few things off your to-do list, and finally, you’ve earned that well-deserved relaxation.
You fill the bathtub, surround yourself with fragrances and candles, and start soaking into your zen. And just when you’ve found your peace, imagine if these people dropped by, one at a time…
1.The Boundary Crosser:
“Oh, I see you’re in the bath. Mind if I dip my toes in?” (That was rhetorical—they’re not really asking for permission.)
“And by the way, you’re doing it all wrong. Let me show you how to really relax.”
Next, they’ll rearrange your candles, adjust the water temperature, and probably sing for you—bore your zen to death.
2. The Time Sucker:
“Quick question—do you remember the name of that restaurant we went to in 1984, on a Sunday evening?”
( It’s not quick. It’s a trap.)
Before you know it, they’ve roped you into editing their 60-page manuscript since, after all, you’re ‘just lying around’ doing nothing.
3. The Pessimist:
“You know, those bubbles are probably full of chemicals. You might want to rethink your whole setup here.”
Be ready for a lecture on water contamination and corporate greed.
“I’m just saying… this bath isn’t going to solve all your problems, but sure, enjoy.”
And suddenly, you’re wondering why you feel so drained.
4. The One-Upper:
“Oh, a bubble bath? Cute. I remember my five-hour spa day with volcanic mud treatments. Life-changing.”
“Good effort here, though, if you’re into the whole ‘basic’ bath experience.”
Do not get up and strangle them. You’re here for zen, not a prison sentence.
5. The Passive-Aggressive / Guilt-Tripper:
“Must be nice to have time for long soaks. Some of us are a little too busy for all this Instagram-popularised ‘me time’ nonsense.”
They’ll then remind you of important events you have missed, leaving you feeling soggy and sorry.
6. The Energy Vampire:
“I’ve had the worst day ever. You won’t believe it. Honestly, nothing you’ve experienced compares.”
Suddenly, it’s your job to soothe their misery. What are you doing anyway? Just lounging in a tub, right?
7. The Over-Sharer/Gossiper:
“So, my neighbour’s cousin just had her fifth baby! Guess where—in a bathtub.”
Smirking, they’ll also mention the baby was conceived in a bathtub too. TMI much?
8. The Control Freak:
“You need to move those candles to the left. It’s all about balance—let me fix that for you.”
Next, they’ll dictate your posture, tilt of your head, and water level. And, “for the love of all that’s zen, please don’t fart.”- they will urge.
9. The Perfectionist:
“Your bubbles aren’t quite right. They should be fluffier. And your candles are totally the wrong height.”
At this point, you’ll start questioning your entire life and how half-assed your bath prep really is.
The list above covers external energy drains—the ones we have to dodge. But let’s not forget the how we create an energy drain for ourselves.
Productivity in Disguise: The Holy Grail of Energy Drains
These are the activities that seem productive or good for you, but actually take you miles away from your real goals.
1.The “Planning to Plan” Syndrome
All the pretty fluorescent highlighters, colourful sticky notes, perfectly colour-coded to-do lists, and the oh-so-organised desk that screams productivity. You have a planner to map out your life’s masterpiece.
But let’s be real—those goals won’t get done just because your sticky notes match your highlighters. It’s a shiny distraction, not progress.
2. Self-Improvement Overload
Signing up for one more course, adopting a new wellness routine, and subscribing to another wellness podcast.
You’re filling workbooks, journaling, keeping up with gratitude practices. But wait—what about the actual work? How much of your time is spent doing the real work versus chasing self-improvement?
3. Networking Overdone
You’re out there shaking hands, attending every webinar, and booking all the coffee dates.
But when do you actually have time to do something? Your coffee cups are brimming; your goals are starving.
4. I Am a Helper, I Don’t Say No
You make everyone (and their dogs) happy by promising to help them.
You gain popularity as the go-to person but fall down in your own eyes for not keeping the promises you made to yourself. That screams energy drain.
5. Multitasking Is No Longer a Badge of Pride
When my kids were toddlers, multitasking came with the mommy job. But not today. As a half-empty nester, there’s no need to multitask. There’s no race. There’s no apocalypse to outrun.
First, multitasking consumes you, and then rectifying the accidents caused by multitasking drains even more of your energy.
6. Hobbies by the Dozen
I enjoy dancing, singing, writing, reading, watching Netflix, cooking, and poetry. Pursuing all of these would be possible—if I had a few more heads and ten hands.
But the reality is, writing is my full-time profession, and reading is a necessity for that profession (and a passion too).
Every other hobby has to stay within its limits and not overpower the work that actually brings in money. Piling up hobbies and learning every other skill without a clear purpose is an energy drain.
Social Media: The Digital Energy Sinkhole
That “I’m just gonna check my mail or Instagram for a minute” moment.
One hour later, you’re deep in a black hole of cat videos, upcycled soda bottle tutorials you’ll never try, and someone’s vacation photos from three years ago that they reshared. You were supposed to be productive, but now you’re a cat behaviour expert.
Meanwhile, your to-do list is lamenting in the corner of the room, and somehow you’ve managed to deplete your energy doing absolutely nothing.
Environmental Triggers and External Distractions
I sat down to send out an email. The phone rings, and the doorbell too. I can’t tell you how often this happens. Life seems to throw in a few extras just for fun. Like, I’ll also have something cooking on the stove. Juggle on! And then, the neighbours start drilling—right through what feels like my wall. I spot an empty coffee mug begging to be taken to the sink.
And if I dare scroll my phone in the meantime, I’ll be seriously considering taking up pottery as a hobby too. Welcome to a whole new level of energy drains.
How to Dodge an Energy Drain
Identifying Energy Drains Before They Happen
The trick to avoiding an energy drain is catching them before they sneak up on you—like that extra slice of cake you “didn’t mean to eat.”
The number one step to take when dodging an energy drain is to:
- Set the intention.
- Set time aside for commitments.
- And follow one simple rule:
If it feels productive but doesn’t move the needle on your real goals, it’s probably an energy drain in disguise.
Stay alert, catch it early, and save your energy for the things that actually matte
Setting Boundaries and Prioritising Your Energy
Setting boundaries has to be a top priority, or else boundary crossers and energy vampires will gnaw away at your productive hours.
Here’s where the magic of saying “no” comes in. It’s not just about refusing invitations or meetings anymore. It’s about protecting your headspace and energy for the things that really matter. It’s fine to help others, but only after making sure you’re not putting your own head on the altar.
When in doubt, ask yourself:
Does this help me reach my goal, or is it just a detour that’s wasting my energy?
Practical Strategies I Learned to Stay Focused and Energised
1. Time Block: Block time chunks for your most important tasks, and also block time for doing nothing.
2. The 3 Most Important Tasks Rule: Instead of drowning in my to-do list, I pick three must-do tasks for the day. I do it in the order of priority. Once they’re done, anything extra is a bonus.
3. Social Media Rationing: Set a timer when you need to check your feeds, and stick to it. Once the timer goes off, it’s time to get back to your real work.
4. Environmental Control: Crouching tigers and hidden dragons need to be addressed here.
Close the door, leave the phone in another room, and let family members know to interrupt only if it’s a MAYDAY situation. Small changes like these can keep you laser-focused.
5. Boundaries with People: If you can say NO to people that you’ve given birth to, you can pretty much say no to anyone. 🙂 That’s my funda.
Conclusion:
Taking Control – Empowering Yourself Against an energy drain
An energy drain may seem inevitable, but what worked for me was realising that control was within my reach. I held onto that belief and reinforced it with action.
It gave me the courage to say no, and the strength to turn down unnecessary social activities that left me feeling drained. It wasn’t easy, for sure.
With that shift, I regained control over my routine—and found some zen time, along with achieving my goals, too.
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