You cannot sue it.
You cannot murder it.
It will go to the grave with you.
Self-doubt is a clingy, violating attachment to your existence—one that will always persist, nestled deep within your being.
Like a parasite, it festers inside you. In some, it grows stronger; in others, it weakens because they have developed a solid antidote—a system that keeps it at bay.
It’s like that uninvited guest you never wanted around, yet they show up—with bags full of opinions, snide remarks, and a megaphone.
It will show up when you least expect it.
Around the time when your plans are laid out, your prep work is halfway through.
And it will sneak up ‘Oh! You’re finally onto something!’
Self-doubt strolls into the room, plops on the couch, and gives me a look.
You know the one.
That eyebrow-raising, lip-pursing expression that screams,
“Are you sure about this?”
“Wouldn’t that be too much for you?” it asks, settling in comfortably as though this was a typical conversation between old friends.
I try ignoring it.
If you do not ‘ignore’ it, regret will soon replace it.
Every successful feat by Self-doubt is followed by regret.
That is why I ignore it and keep doing what I do.
I mean, I’ve gotten pretty good at blocking out its voice.
But Self-doubt doesn’t take silence as a sign to stop—it interprets it as an invitation to dig deeper.
It acts like a life coach, except that it plans to do everything to backtrack you, sabotage you, and prevent you from becoming a better version of yourself.
“Remember that time in 2016 when you tried to launch that ‘brilliant’ side hustle?”
And then it pulls out a list of all my past missteps as if hosting a roast.
Me: “So? How about you be happy that I may give you one more item to add to the list?”
Roast for roast!
I often feel the urge to kick it out.
Many times I do.
But Self-doubt is that ignorant, persistent toddler who doesn’t take the hint.
It follows you from room to room, showing up even when you’ve locked yourself in the bathroom for a little peace.
It insists on coming inside the washroom while you’re making wee wee.
Toddlers are cute. They may not know social norms, just like Self-doubt, but they love you with all their heart and hug you and give you sloppy kisses that make your “invisible” boo-boo of worries melt away.
But this is fussy, frigging Self-doubt, and there’s nothing cute about it.
They do not take away boo-boos.
They give you some.
It will stick its head through the door like, “You sure you’re doing that right?”
Even if you’re just brushing your teeth.
(I am brushing my teeth, for crying out loud! Why the fuck are you making me doubt that!)
But here is the truth- “Toddlers can be distracted easily, so can be Self-doubt.
Self-doubt is crafty.
It never barges in all at once. It tiptoes in slowly, almost like it’s doing you a favor. It won’t raise its voice—it doesn’t need to.
The quieter it gets, the more dangerous it feels.
It’s like Vito Corleone, whispering calmly, ‘You sure you’re ready for this?’
And just like that, it’s already planning a hit on your confidence.
A prick for your self-esteem.
You’re going about your day, trying to focus on your grand plans, but Self-doubt’s calm voice whispers, ‘It’d be a shame if all this… failed, wouldn’t it?’
It doesn’t even need to raise a finger.
One well-timed remark, and boom—Boom—your self-assurance gets tossed out like a mafia hitman from a helicopter!
And what’s worse? It does all this with the grace of an old-school gentleman, leaving you wondering how you got so rattled by something so charmingly destructive.
And with a softly whispered assurance – “I’m just looking out for you,” as if reminding you of your limitations is how it shows its love.
Self-doubt is like an overly cautious parent who won’t let you ride your bike without elbow pads, knee pads, and three helmets—just in case.
And they will always have a first aid kit ready in their bags.
“Just in case.”
Self-doubt is as active as a helicopter parent,
always hovering in reverse.
Come on, Suman, you got this!’… ‘Nah, you ride like you are avoiding a mine.’
‘Yay, there you go, girl!’… ‘The neighbor’s kid can pedal better with one leg than you can with two.’
‘Go, Suman! You nailed it.’… ‘Forget it—not your thing.
And the worst part? Some days, it feels like Self-doubt might be right. It’s just so…persistent.You begin to trust it, just like you trust your parents.
After all these days of nagging and repeating the same ideas, one day, find a home in your mind.
You begin to trust it.
That’s how conditioning works.
It reminds you of every time you failed.
Every embarrassing moment.
It knows your insecurities better than you do, and it uses them with the convincing power of a seasoned lawyer.
The kind prosecuting and billing you for the privilege of doing so.
But here’s what I’ve learned after over 20 years of co-working, co-sleeping, with Self-doubt.
It doesn’t know the future. Sure, it acts like it does, but it’s just as clueless as I am.
It doesn’t want to miss out on the action—like that mother-in-law who just can’t stand the thought of you running your own life.
So after years of trying to shoo it away, I’ve decided to stop fighting. Instead, I’ve embraced a life mantra—one I heard as a kid but didn’t quite understand until now.
If you can’t beat them, Join them. And then beat them.
What Does Self-Doubt Lack?(Know they enemy)
Backbone: It can’t even stick to one opposing argument about your goal.
Confidence: It lacks the courage to persist if you get stubborn about your goals.
What does Self Doubt want? (Know what the enemy wants)
Attention,
Inclusivity,
Control!
Give it that satisfaction.
Use TACT
Here is what I do,
I let it stay, but now Self-doubt has a different role.
Instead of letting it lounge around and dominate the conversation, I’ve given it a small, uncomfortable chair in the corner.
It’s allowed to watch and throw in its two cents, but it doesn’t get to control the remote anymore.
How does Self-Doubt help?
As much as I hate to admit it, sometimes Self-doubt helps me make better decisions.
It forces me to pause, to reconsider, to approach things with caution.
But it’s up to me whether I let it decide what I do next.
When Self-doubt starts its usual nagging these days, I shrug and say, “Okay, you’ve said your piece. Now watch me prove you wrong.”
And with that, I move on. In the end, Self-doubt might be an unwanted guest, but it doesn’t get to run the show.