Ten years ago I would never have thought I would sit down to write a blog about “learning to love midlife.”
Yet, here I am, a proud member and now, an advocate of what I like to call the “Midlife Club.”
A New Chapter Begins at Midlife
It often starts subtly – a significant birthday passes. That moment when you think, “Wow, am I really this old?” And you begin to take stock of life’s hits and misses.
Regret about missed opportunities.
Repentance for not choosing another path.
Resistance for making new changes.
Welcome to the club.
Happened to me too. After spiralling in with all those, I planned on overcoming such challenges by learning to love midlife.
By gearing to rock midlife like a queen.
Flipping the Script on Midlife
For many of us, reaching midlife comes with a mix of regret and anticipation. I spent nearly four years spiralling through regrets, making repairs, resetting, and restarting.
Then, one day, I decided to flip the script. I decided to live midlife queen-size. And I began my journey of designing my life in a way that had no room for regrets from the past.
It is a slow and gradual process.
It would require
Unlearning – The school, society and your seniors were not right about how you are supposed to act your age. You would be letting go of a lot of beliefs.
Re-learning – Of course! New ways to build life mindfully, consciously. Crafting your script your way!
I want you to know with every fibre of my being that these can be the best years of your life. Forget the cliché that labels the 4 midlife as a crisis—It is actually more of a crescendo in life’s symphony.
This phase is about shifting the tune from fulfilling others’ expectations to playing your own melody. And trust me, this pivot point can lead to some of the most rewarding chapters of your life.
Who Am I to Promise This?
I am someone who has walked this path, trudged through the mud, and I am still learning. But one thing has become crystal clear to me in my growth journey so far-
If you’re not rooting for yourself, no one else ever will.
Midlife often comes wrapped in stereotypes. Many of us were raised on the notion of ‘should’ rather than ‘want.’
We were told, “This is the way things are done.”
But if you have put your dreams on hold for others, now is your time.
Embracing the Age of Freedom
Reason 1 – Freedom to Think
Remember the days that flew by, dictated not by your plans but by the needs of your family and work?
Midlife brings a newfound freedom that once felt like a mirage.
- Kids are at college – You can finally use the bathroom in peace.
- Uninterrupted Thoughts – You can let a thought run its course without being interrupted by a “Mom, where are my socks?”
- Personal Time – The house is quieter, allowing for moments of personal reflection or just enjoying a cup of tea.
- Spontaneous Outings – No critters, go enjoy fritters. Baby-sitting woes are done!
- Reclaiming Spaces – That once cluttered bedroom can now be converted into a yoga studio, craft room, or whatever your heart desires. I stuffed mine with loads of fabric and laces.
- Career Focus – More time to dedicate to professional growth, start a new business, or even change careers entirely without as many familial constraints.
- Social Life Revival – The freedom to reconnect with old friends, or explore new friendships without the scheduling constraints of parenting.
- Learning and Growth – More opportunity to take classes, learn new skills, or dive into hobbies that were previously sidelined.
- Health and Wellness – Time to focus on personal health, fitness, and wellbeing, which often takes a backseat during the child-rearing years.
Reason 2- Freedom to Speak Your Mind
This is perhaps the best part about midlife. You no longer hesitate to express your thoughts. Understanding societal norms allows you to break free from earlier constraints. Now, you can replace the ‘yes’ given out of obligation with a ‘no’ that respects your boundaries.
As the saying goes, “I’m too old to pretend I like things.”
And besides, you don’t really have to keep your speeches around the house in PG mode.
Reason 3- Freedom to Explore Hobbies and Careers
It is true that kids change a lot of things in life. We willingly make compromises and put our interests on the back burners.
Now is the beautiful time to attend to those hobbies or start a new career that strums the chords of your heart. Last year I spent learning how to craft patterns, and sew your own dresses.
It was such a exhilarating experience for me – to create and own dresses that you have crafted from scratch!
It is about choosing paths that make your soul sing.
And if that path includes late-night salsa classes or early morning meditation, so be it.
Who says new hobbies have a shelf life?
And at this thought, if the devil sneaks up and tells ya, – “aren’t you a little too old for that?”
These devils might be in your circle, society, online, or even in your mind, questioning you.
Here are my two cents – Take a few sips of your chai peacefully and say, ‘Darling, the only thing too late for me is learning not to do what makes me happy.’
Sass it up girl!
Enjoy the wisdom and wise comebacks.
Acknowledge the Wisdom of Years
The 20s give you the courage to try everything, with societal pressure to perform looming over your head and a dream to explore the world.
We had some hits, some misses.
The 40s bring the wisdom—to know better, to do better—but I won’t deny, self-doubt does nudge you.
You may feel a dip in enthusiasm in midlife and fear starting anything new.
It’s not because you’re incapable—hell, you’re more capable than ever.
You are wiser, smarter, better than you’ve ever been.
That nagging voice in your head is nothing but conditioned limiting beliefs strategically placed by society, so you don’t try to be more than they can handle.
In the 20s, society dictates you to perform.
After the 40s, society expects you to go stagnant.
Just look into your past experiences.
Undermining our achievements comes naturally to us.(conditioning)
Unconsciously we have tendencies to undermine ourselves.(CONDITIONING)
You have accumulated enough wisdom – you have a repertoire of juicy anecdotes and life lessons.
Recall the aha moments that you had “Ah, now I get it!”
We made mistakes and learned from them. Because we did not have Google to tell us everything.
And our parents believed in – go get your hands dirty and find out!
So you carry the wisdom of -”been there, done that!”
And that is why you can do it all over again – just take the leap and plunge!
That’s the beauty of midlife wisdom – it teaches you not to sweat the small stuff.
Armed with decades of experience, you possess a keen “bullshit spot-o-metre.” You care less about being judged and more about being true to yourself.
Reason 4- Curating Your Circle
Your contact book starts to reflect quality over quantity.
You will notice that you prefer being alone rather than spending time with people who do not possess the same intellectual awareness as you. It is not about intelligence, it is about adding value -entertainment, education, inspiration to your time.
You may lose neighbours, friends, or even a spouse who no longer contributes positively to your life.
Happiness is created by happy people.
Your midlife wisdom teaches that perfection is overrated—a little chaos can indeed make good memories.
As Oprah Winfrey famously said, “Turn your wounds into wisdom.”
Reason 5- Patience and Resilience
The struggles of your past have equipped you with patience and resilience.
Now, any personal growth endeavour feels more rewarding because you have a solid foundation to build upon.
Reason 6- Growing Bolder, Not Just Older
It is not just about adding years to your life.
Now it is about adding life to your years.
Every birthday brings to you not just a number but valuable insights, laughter, and serene confidence.
Says Maya Angelou, and it goes so well with our motto in midlife.
Conclusion: Learning to Love Midlife
Now that we’ve journeyed through the essence of midlife freedom,
It is clear that it isn’t just about adapting to changes.
It is about actively creating them.
It is about making conscious choices that redefine what life looks like at forty and beyond.
So, as we wrap up, I encourage you to engage with this new chapter actively. Share your experiences, challenges, and triumphs.
Let’s rewrite the rules together and approach midlife with a chuckle—because humour and midlife really do go together like hot fritters on a rainy day. (chai with garam pakode in barish)
Here’s to loving your midlife—not because you have to, but because you truly can.
Cheers to thriving on your own terms, with heaps of humour and even more style!