This will fundamentally change the way you look at the midlife crisis in women

what is a midlife crisis for a woman

I do not know whose idea it was to attach the word “crisis” to midlife.
One of the most important, widely talked about and searched phrases in the modern times! 
But why midlife CRISIS?
Midlife is fine! 
But why attach “crisis” to it?
No matter how widely used phrase it is,  
my logical brain refuses to accept  the “crisis” at all. 
Crisis to me is a cringeworthy word in this context!

what is a midlife crisis for a woman

Is motherhood a crisis?

Did they tell you motherhood is a crisis? Nope! That time,  you were happily changing diapers, nursing with sore nipples while sitting balanced on an ice-pack, mastering swaddles. Hail to thee!

I had a colicky second child! 

Those first three months since her birth felt like a 
CRISIS to me! Managing those bouts of reasonless crying along with a toddler at foot. I assume many can relate!!

 I had forgotten what a lavish bath felt like or a warm peaceful meal tasted like. 

It  was a f*king crisis! 

I never got to hear about the motherhood crisis

Then who the hell is calling midlife so!

midlife crisis women

Babyhood crisis, toddlerhood crisis, teenage crisis, adolescence crisis anyone?

“Crying out” is considered normal for babies.

Isn’t it a crisis for them when you leave them wailing in the crib letting them sleep on their own?

If the baby could speak they would tell ya, it is a  crisis! 

Do you remember those teens years spent worried, conscious and traumatised by the protruding pustules and papules or for the sake of simplicity pimples ;). 

Crisis people, that was a crisis! 

A threat to self-image. 

The fear of not being deemed worthy of  anyone’s attention.

A crisis that people will ignore 3000 something square inches of skin on your entire body. They will zoom in and focus only on that .25 square inch covered with ugly horrendous,  pus-filled zit.

Crisis!! Total crisis!

You turn 18 and have no clue what direction to go! Many go through four years of engineering studies only to start a career as a musician later in life! 

Decisions ! Choices ! Crisis! 

Career choices at 18 felt like a crisis too! 

Do you still need convincing that
MIDLIFE IS A PHASE OF LIFE, a PERIOD just like any other period of life with its own challenges.

There is absolutely no need to call it a crisis! For crying out loud! 

Now coming to midlife!

My midlife blog (sans crisis)

When I thought of starting a blog about life after 40 and beyond, I wondered if this is what midlife is. I was not sure if 40 qualified coz I used to feel midlife was way too far! Anyhow I googled “when does midlife start?” and found out It was placed between 40 and beyond, five years here and there. 

So technically, there is no exact midlife age

But when you feel a set of feelings that qualifies as “midlife crisis symptoms” that is when you can safely assume you have started your midlife! 

Considering this concept,  I had begun feeling that way a long time before I hit my forties. But I still refuse to call it a
crisis, I am adamant that way!

What about the Midlife crisis symptoms that you are experiencing?

Everything said and done, I do agree you feel a lot of things once you are nearing or going through your 40s. I do understand sister, I am in the same boat of  Project life 

Let me list down what is happening- 

Depending on your circumstances, either few, none or one of these is happening in your midlife!

  • Concerns about changing skin and body, menopause et all!
  • Empty nest 
  • Teen parenting  
  • Partner probably straying, or bald, or bear bellied, I don’t know!
  • Wardrobe needs upgrading
  • Decreased desire of worldly possessions or in partner or whatever 
  • No career for few who chose  to stay home after kids.
  • Financial dependence on spouse or parents.
  • Wanted to choose something you dreamt to do in your 20s, but spent 2 decades fulfilling a society approved checklist!
  • You realised you studied to be a neuro-surgeon but adjusted around family to become a homemaker!
How are you feeling at midlife ?
  • Angry
  • Regretful
  • Depressed
  • Anxious
  • Hopeless
  • Unconfident
  • Restlessness
  • Guilty
  • Shame
Feel free to add to the list.Get it down here than anywhere else ! 
I categorise them as lower emotions.  Not to degrade them. By no means, they are there for a reason but definitely not meant to drag you down!  But they will drag you down if you keep calling  your midlife a crisis!  What are your thoughts at midlife?
  • Damn! I lost all the years of my youth!
  • In my 20s if I had blah blah blah … today I would have been blah blah blah… (and numerous such if-this-then-that stories) 
  • I regret moving here.
  •  I feel ashamed to have da da da da…
How are you behaving at this stage?
  • Impulsively – impulsive decisions
  • Passive aggressive – seething inside 
  • Aggressive – vehement outbursts! 
  • Awfulizing – nothing is good anymore, hopelessness. 
  • Blaming 
  • Irritable 
  • Crying many times
I get it! Life does feel like a crisis when you have lost your time, youthfulness and crazy energy ! But hey girl, stop and notice – you are loaded with wisdom! First things first!  Accept that your life is about to take a huge change ! And you will deal with it with logic, reason and a huge heart of acceptance!

Reason out and fathom the truth that why those “crises” came in the first place! 

“Acceptance releases resentment”

but only when we analyse and accept! 

We go through so much conditioning since childhood- by place, people ,peers, you name it! 

My logic says that most people make the early youth decisions about education, career and marriage based on parents or authority figures, or peers conditioning or out of their own free but immature wills.

Before they realise, responsibilities suck them in demanding relentless attention. Routines, recitals, soccer, cricket, PTMs, graduation, life kept happening and one fine day it is like – fuck! Where am I?”

No wonder we kind of went on living life on an auto pilot, until one day it was like snap! 

We are trained to think we need a “marriage” and bear children because it’s a cute thing right? 

Remember those TV commercials showing chubby babies with toothless grins idealising motherhood. Of course, we are sublimely taught we are born  to bear them!  

I don’t know about you – I did exactly what the national slogan I heard everyday in my childhood on the prime channel  – “hum do hamare do ”.

 “We two and our two” is the exact translation for all you non-Hindi speaking people! 

I dutifully went through an arranged marriage, produced two lovely kids and ta da! The society applauded! 

But the trouble is society leaves you after that until your kids are of marriageable age! Then they are  back again poking around reminding you the terms and conditions of being a responsible Indian parent.

You went on fulfilling what was expected of you some consciously, some unconsciously, now life has changed!

So stop looking for crises.

Assess reality and plan further! Not easy but we can. 

Here you are at 39 or 45 or whatever years old. Your kids are grown up, finishing high school, ready to head to college or already off to one. 

You have plenty of time in hand as well as a “free mental landscape” to gallop your thoughts and gather ideas to plan and design your life phase 3. 

Darlings, you are an upgraded version now!

When you say crisis, you pretty much make this version “corrupt” that needs fixing!

Ah! corrupt sounds as cringeworthy as crisis! 

You do not need fixing from any freaking crisis!

This time you have tons of experience to ease the decision making process! What a beautiful place to be in life.

So stop using CRISIS! 

Your words impact you – they slip into your subconscious and cement themselves there 

Chose not to say 

“I am going through a midlife crisis” 

“It is midlife crisis”

Rather say –

Midlife Challenges ! Of course. By all means!

Just like motherhood challenges!

Parent challenges

But not a friggin crisis!

You are not suffering from a female midlife crisis.

midlife crisis age

Calling midlife a crisis is a part of a huge conspiracy theory !

You kept spending for a smooth running  household and  family’s comfort. 

At this stage, grown -up,  independent children are no longer your focus.

House too,  doesn’t need as much stuff as you required when you were running a full time home management shift.

You are  probably influenced by minimalism and have lost  interest in worldly stuff.  You are a threat to the economy, woman!

Hence they need to make you believe whatever renewed thoughts you are feeling to revamp your life is actually a CRISIS

They want you to develop that regret in you about your skin, body.

For that they are using that midlife crisis psychology on you!

Midlife crisis is a period of creating and designing  another beautiful phase of life if you simply stop using CRISIS and see it as a “second-half opportunity.”

Where there is no parental pressure!

Less parental responsibilities.

Society is looking the other way coz their interest in you is over you old, haggard non- productive citizen! 

Now the only section interested in you is the one that sees you as a HUGE MONEY MAKING CUSTOMER SEGMENT.

 So they will make sure you fan your lower emotions, and make you dependent on them. 

They will make you believe that you need them to sail through the midlife  CRISIS! 😉 

Don’t get me wrong – 

I am not shaming consumerism here!

You do need the products to take care of the skin and body. By all means buy and use the vitamins, the retinol, the AHAs, the sunscreens. Go for Ombre or balayage for your hair, lavish mani-pedi, whatever you want to enjoy ! 

You deserve to pamper yourself. 

But if you are doing so with a fear or feeling of CRISIS then you are doing it all wrong ! 

Use those products in addition to the positive body image and mindset that you have for yourself. Those products are no replacement for that.

midlife crisis symptoms

By the way – I love the AHA products,  they broom away the dead cells and brighten me up 😉 

Where is the friggin crisis in brightening up?

Why you should we not call midlife a “CRISIS”

Have you heard of the saying “As a man thinketh?”

Well,  my version is – 

“As a woman thinketh, hence she acteth,  and then she regreteth!” 

Calling midlife a crisis keeps you in an unproductive state, fanning the already existing lower emotions associated with it!

  • It promotes an unproductive mindset.
  • Creates a panic situation of loss, irreplaceable damage and stuff. 
  • Tends to build an umbrella under which we seek to hoard our insecurities, fear, regrets, hopelessness.
  • Urgency may make you take drastic steps that can add to your regrets !

    Change your words! 

Your words affect your thoughts, thoughts affect your emotions and so is the cycle! 

Midlife  is a marvel ! A magic! 

Or as Brene Brown puts it– “an unravel.” 

You may feel tail-spinned at this stage.

You may need healing, hand-holding, and happy vibes to get back on your feet, but without calling it a crisis

 

 

midlife crisis definition
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