In history as in human life, regret does not bring back a lost moment and a thousand years will not recover something lost in a single hour. – Stefan Zweig
No one is immune to regrets
At 8 years old, my regrets were small, like missing the ice cream vendor’s bells on a scorching May afternoon.
They were soft and easy to forget, much like the ice cream.
By 16, I was too busy having fun to feel regret, let alone dwell on it.
At 32, my regrets revolved around minor parenting dilemmas—missing playdates or buying the wrong diaper.
But after I crossed four decades, regret found a way to poke around more persistently.
Now, my challenge was overcoming regrets—those lost years of living someone else’s dreams, of not being entirely me the way I wanted.
Regret doesn’t disappear with age; it lingers and grows.
It reminds you of the things you didn’t do.
It reminds you of the things you did but wish you hadn’t.
Suppose you set aside your expectations for a moment and analyze.
You’ll find those decisions you did not make still made your life turn around fine.
Research shows that we spend about a third of our mental energy replaying decisions we’ve made.
So, for every three choices you make, one might return to haunt you.
The good news is that, at this stage, we’ve got four decades of wisdom to help us move forward.
Will distracting yourself work to overcome regrets?
Regret feels uncomfortable, like walking with pebbles in your shoes while hiding your pain from others.
From their stems, the temptation to avoid it. But distracting or running away from regrets only makes it worse.
If you distract yourself with endless scrolling, binge-watching, or staying overly busy, your regrets will become more prominent and louder.
The moment I stopped running from my regrets, something shifted.
I stopped seeing them as failures and started viewing them as the building blocks of my future.
In embracing those regrets, I found the strength to reevaluate my life and align it with my true values.
Does blaming ourselves help in overcoming regrets?
Regret is a normal part of life.
Who hasn’t wished they’d taken a different path, pursued a passion project, or ignored well-meaning family advice that didn’t align with their dreams?
It took me years to get over trusting my family’s decisions over my own.
It wasn’t an easy journey where you aren’t just dragging regrets alone; it is anger and despair alongside.
This combination, along with regret, feels heavy because of self-blame.
Riddled with regret, we tend to question ourselves repeatedly –
“Why didn’t I do that differently?” or
“How could I have been so blind?”
And before you know it, you are spiraling into negative thought patterns.
It’s easy to get stuck in the past, replaying moments endlessly.
Blaming ourselves makes it harder to overcome regrets.
Our older generation wasn’t bombarded with choices.
Today, we constantly juggle career decisions, relationships, and parenting.
All those ‘shoulds’ lead to regrets that can gnaw at us if we let them.
Does blaming others help in overcoming regrets?
Many decisions in my life were driven by family expectations,
made when I was pretty green in life’s journey.
When I first realized this, I blamed others. (alongside being angry with myself)
Society often encourages us to be perfect and make the ‘right’ decisions.
But when we fall short, the weight of regret grows heavier.
I stayed stuck for years, wrestling with regret and the pressure to live up to expectations, feeling angry at times, feeling regretful.
Blaming others takes you nowhere.
Blaming yourself takes you nowhere.
And staying with regrets takes you nowhere.
In fact, it pulls you down into a dark and depressing place.
I knew I did not want to stay there, and I am sure neither do you.
Realize your Regrets
I regretted not having a regular, cordial relationship with my father.
I regretted that he made all the critical decisions in my life and never inquired about my dreams, aspirations, or goals.
That pretty much sums up many fathers in patriarchal countries—some less, some more.
It’s an uncomfortable realization, and the most vulnerable time to be reminded of it is when you’re a mature adult, facing a different outcome than what you once expected from life.
Realizing what you are regretting is the first step in overcoming regrets! And the fact was, I did care for my life onwards far more than to let the demons of the past drag me down. I was determined to create a midlife that I loved.
Treating Regret as a Positive Force
While regret can sting, it’s also a chance for growth.
Regret nudges you to change direction or make peace with your choices.
Regret is an opportunity,
to pause,
to reflect,
And to reassess what’s truly important.
Regret is a catalyst for change.
When regret whispers, “What if?” flip the script.
Ask yourself,
“What can I learn from this?” or
“How can I grow from this experience?”
Regret holds valuable information about our values and what truly matters to us.
Your regret may be a sign that something violated those values, and that’s an opportunity for growth.
So, the best way to work on overcoming regrets is to ask:
- What do I value?
- What was violated?
- How can I take charge and fix it today (within reason, of course)?
How to Embrace and overcome regrets
The first step in overcoming regret is simple but not easy—let yourself feel it.
When that familiar twinge of regret bubbles up, resist the urge to bury it.
Stop and notice what’s happening in your body.
Does your chest tighten, your stomach knot, or your mind race?
When I wasn’t working on fixing those regrets, I used to feel my heart sinking and anger rising.
I began observing those emotions without judgment. (not easy)
I didn’t attempt to fix anything at that time.
Just worked on building my awareness by noticing and acknowledging how regret feels.
Regret teaches us more about ourselves than we realize.
Conclusion:
Regret Doesn’t Have to Control You
Is it inevitable?
Yes.
Does it need to control you?
NO!
Regret can turn into a punishment if you let it control you.
Shift your perspective.
Regret is a reminder that you care deeply about your choices.
The key is learning to sit with regret, feel it thoroughly, and then move forward.
Next time you feel your inner self tugging at you with regrets, stop and pay attention.
Sit with it and listen deeply to what it has to say. Then, release it and step back into your life—wiser, stronger, and ready to move forward with purpose.
Life is a series of decisions.
We grow wiser with each one.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to use regret as a stepping stone to build a more mindful, fulfilling future instead of staying stuck in the past.