I am an ambivert.
I didn’t conclude about it overnight!
It took me over a decade to find that out.
It was a slow, gradual, confusing process.
It didn’t take blood, sweat, or toil, but it definitely
took some friends, money, and a few pesky relatives away (yay!).
I am sure you all must have felt something similar.
Feel no guilt, feel no shame.
You are not alone.
Find solace in my story.
From awkward social gatherings to solo escapades–
I’ll take you through the highs, the lows, and the downright hilarious moments that defined my ambiverted midlife personality change.
What I Was
I always thought I was an extrovert because I loved being around people.
I have annoyed plenty with my singing at the top of my lungs during treks and danced at parties with moves that could send Indian mothers-in-law in perpetual shock.
Gyrating posteriors came easy to me and gave me an adrenaline rush.
My laughter?
It reverberated up to four blocks away.
My parents’ pleas and corporal requests that “good girls laugh gently” did not quite work on me.
I have had toddlers’ moms complain about how I woke their little ones from their slumber.
I was the epitome of loud, boisterous, and not entirely society-approved.
Doesn’t that just scream extrovert?
Those days were brimming with endless energy and social butterfly wings.
But as the years rolled by, I noticed a shift in my social preferences.
I was cocooning, slowly retreating from the extroverted buzz, preparing for a quieter, more introspective journey.
It was the herald of the midlife personality change.
The midlife transition
As you slide into midlife, your body starts throwing surprises — new glasses, more trips to the dentist, and washrooms too.
But the real action? It’s the social and psychological shifts that happen undercover.
You will definitely notice them. Society? Not so much. It thrives on the contradictory theory that people never change, yet also insists that as you get older, you should change—both in the same breath.
Growing older has its perks.
It’s more than just about seeing better and smiling brighter. It is also about embracing the ebb and flow of your social desires.
What I have become.
As I crossed the threshold of 40, my preferences shifted significantly.
I switched from the big, fat, loud party troupe to enjoying one or two peers sitting over a cup of tea, discussing topics like bears and bulls of stock market.
I transitioned from a career that mostly involved swaying my hips to Spanish beats and getting a crowd to sway along, to sitting in a quiet room, tied to my chair, where the only noise is the tapping of my fingers on the keyboard. My midlife personality change brought back quieter activities, deeper retrospections and the superpower of spotting cringe behaviours.
Now, I would much rather be buried in a book than keep up with a “social companion” who rants about social media as the reason for humanity’s downfall, then snaps a selfie with his artful vegan latte.
Then he will ask me to whip out the caption for his insta post; I am that writer friend with benefits, you see!
“I managed to drag this prisoner out of her home arrest,” – goes the caption online, along with a photo of me and him.
I looking like I was swept off by a whirlwind and dumped at the Tea- house and him looking as crisp as a currency fresh out of the mint!
30 likes and 10 comments within 10 minutes !
One of them tagged me and commented, “when are you meeting me?”
“In your nightmare.”- I felt like replying.
But the voice inside me, my angel’s voice said-
”Don’t punch the fucking beehive. Chant OM and move on.”
So I let it pass. ‘Om Shanti !’
Such conversations are baits. To drag you into having more conversations- something I dread, now.
Do you know who dreads conversations?
Introverts.
How Did This Happen?
No, I didn’t suddenly wake up one day with a split personality.
Nor did I get bitten by a bug and began channelling Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
I was not playing Anna by day, Banana by night.
Nope, nothing as dramatic as that.
It wasn’t a stealthy transformation either.
My midlife personality change was slow but deliberate, fuelled by a series of self-discoveries and realisations.
Self-Discovery: conversations shouldn’t suck!
I could no longer endure the incessant, not-so-stimulating chatter about vanity and superficial topics.
You know, those conversations that revolve around green tea, gut health, and strawberry-flavoured collagen.
Those conversations that hovered around which new adult needs to get married and ‘settled,’ who needs to lose weight (as if the gossiper’s bank account depletes in proportion to every gram someone gains), how bad things have become with the new generation, and how their own generation was better.
Realization:
Cutting down on my socially-packed schedule expanded my self-awareness.
I realised self-awareness happens when you give time to yourSELF.
And the SELF can do good with regular desi chai brewed with ginger, spice, water, and milk, and a dash of brown sugar. Ah! Orgasmic!
You do not need a company for your tea to taste better.
I could nourish my self-esteem by talking positively with myself.
Indulge in self care, by myself.So as you see, midlife personality change is all about knowing SELF and then knowing others.
Self -Esteem is well nourished when you sit with yourself and do the positive talks.
Self- Care is being introverted. Breaking free from people who drain your energy
Self-motivation – when you involve yourself in MOTIVATING YOURSELF.
There must be at least 20 SELF-related compound words that will happen to you if you give yourSELF the time.
The Dual Life of an Ambivert
I am the Ambivert- here is what to expect.
See, my emphasis on being by myself does not mean I will forever be in my own company.
There was a time seeing people lit up my life. That part of me has not gone away.
I wouldn’t mind occasional meet-ups.(you do notice occasional is in bold)
Other times, I would love to interact digitally rather than seeing you all in your flesh and blood and the whole nine yards of ‘personality.’I was almost prefixing ‘personality’ with ‘difficult’—/tongue-in-cheek/
The Phone Call Phenomenon
Expect I will be that friend who will consistently appear in your missed call log. Why? Not because I don’t love you, but because you always seem to call when I am in my introvert mode, not ready to engage in delightful chit-chat. My mental bandwidth is precious, and sometimes, I must choose solitude over socializing. Especially on my birthdays
Public humiliation won’t work.
Remember the time someone commented on my Facebook wall about missing their call, and it got 45 likes?
Painting my Facebook page with insults about my solitude won’t work.
I will avoid you
Just the other day, I saw you stuffing your face with golgappas near my dentist’s office. I managed a stealthy escape by camouflaging myself behind two tall teenagers. Mission avoid-social-interaction:successful!
Conclusion: Embrace the Ambivert in Me
Becoming an ambivert isn’t a midlife crisis.
It is an upgrade.
It is an evolution.
You should be happy for me. I am happy this way.
I juggle between being a social butterfly and a crazy, pajama-clad woman with a pen, scribbling away on piles of papers sharing the joys of midlife.
Whether I am in the mood for a loud laugh or a quiet cup of tea, know that our friendship is my favourite mashup.
Let’s keep rocking both the wild nights out and the peaceful chill-ins—because with me, you’re getting the best of both worlds, served with a side of spontaneity!
I am sure you too embraced midlife personality changes – major or minor, anything. Would love to hear your story about your version 4.0.